Sunday, October 23, 2011

The art and doubts of motherhood...

(36 Weeks with Baby #5 taken 10/14/2011)

Today I was asked to speak for a few minutes to the Mia maid class (Mia maids are 14 and 15 year old young women) at our Church about the importance of bearing children in God's plan.

As I told them about Motherhood, how it is a difficult and restless job but also how it teaches us so much about the attributes of God. How it helps us understand, to a degree never before imagined, what unconditional love and unselfishness really are. That this gift of life our Heavenly Father has granted us is wonderful and that there can be no greater joy for a married couple than to welcome and raise children in this world...

I know and believe all the things I told these young women today yet tonight and a few times over the last few weeks I find myself doubting my abilities as a mother.

Mostly it is the fact that another little one is about to join our family and that I do not know how I will be able to handle it all...

My sweet husband seems to remember me going through something similar every time we got close to adding another child to our family. I do NOT...

I had to bite my tongue before replying something I know I would have regretted.

The fact of the matter is that I mostly doubt my abilities as a mother because I do not know how I will handle an impatient 5 year old, a stubborn "NO" 2 year old and a new baby (the two older ones mostly behave themselves most days)...

How I will juggle helping a 2nd grader, a kindergartner do homework every afternoon when the 2 year old likes to throw a fit a that same exact moment and still being there for the questions of the 4th grader while adding a nursing baby to the mix.

How I will handle the fits of the two year old while in a church bench (something that is already proving difficult most Sundays) so that my husband can fulfill his duties and serve the Lord as he has been asked to do, while still taking care of that new baby.

So, while I have prayed for babies to come at this time before, tonight I am praying that this baby doesn't come too soon.

I am praying for a couple more weeks and a miracle.

Or maybe just a better attitude so that I remember I do not have to do this alone.

Because after all; I am never alone...

1 comment:

the emily said...

This is so weird. My sister is having #5 about the same time as you and she is exactly the same way! Her dr. stripped her membranes on Thursday and then she bled and had contractions and she was so mad. She said normally she can't wait for the baby to come but right now she's praying it DOESN'T come for a few more weeks. So much preparation!

My dad was the Stake President when I was born and my mom left me with her mom for the first 3 years of my life. She just couldn't do 6 kids at church alone--so find someone in another ward to take the baby for you. :)

Good luck! I think about you all the time. I miss you so badly.