Friday, November 4, 2011

Letting go...

I don't know why I do this but I've done it 3 times out of 5.

I am not sure why I set myself up only to be disappointed and discouraged
when things don't happen.

I remember going over my due date when I was pregnant with Matthew
and feeling like my world had just ended.

Zackary and Samuel came earlier than I had expected
so I didn't go through this with neither of them.

But boy did Eli play a number on me.
There is certainly something to be said
about not expecting your baby to be born
as early as the other one!
I thought I was going to lose it.
But then I hit 39 weeks and somehow the only way to stay sane
was to just
let it go.
He was born 5 days later...

I didn't want this baby born at 37 weeks.
But I had told myself that once November hit...
November 1st came and went...
No baby.
Then I told myself that with my next Doctor's appointment
and him stripping my membranes...
Nothing.

As I was somewhat losing it last night
(and definitely having no patience with my already born children),
I finally came to the conclusion that I had been setting myself up.
Just like the last time.

And I decided,
once again,
that the only way to stay sane was to
let it go.
Because no matter what we try,
babies come when they are ready.
Not one second before.

And maybe,
just maybe,
this is part of becoming a mother.

Maybe the "waiting game"
and the fact that it drives us crazy
is sort of a rite of passage,
a preparation for things to come.

Nature will play itself out.
And just as it is with many things in life,
sometimes the only way to get through
is by
letting it go...